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Alicia's Story
My back story from a 3rd person perspective as if I was my mother.
Take someone like my daughter. She’s 10 years old and wants to be a judge one day. Now imagine I was 15 when I conceived her, so my mother and father raised her. She’s very intelligent, always honors classes, student government, and sports. She attended Girl State and was being groomed into leadership since she was 12. She runs track and plays basketball. In high school she was on the prom court both years and the homecoming court for 3. She was in charge of the school flag and graduated with honors receiving a scholarship. With her grandparents she went camping, took summer trips to Disneyland and was generally loved.
Then I, her mother, who was pregnant in high school by a man who was almost twice my age. He went to prison when I was pregnant and was there for 5 years, but before he left he denied that my baby was his even though I knew he took my virginity. Now he’s gone, his entire family believes him in this small community 1⁄2 square mile and that is where both of us grew up alongside his 8 brothers and sisters and my 3 along with all of our aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides. The family is even more extended because my mother and her sister married my father and his brother and they all live in this small community along with my baby’s father’s entire family.
No one believes me. I told my parents it was a boy whose my age’s baby. They told me to invite him over for dinner, but I never did.
They told me I had to get an abortion even though I wanted to keep my baby. We went there and my parents paid. Although the doctor ended up saying I was too far along. They said I was way farther than I knew I was, but either way I was keeping the baby. My delivery was a nightmare. I was only a child and I was so scared. And on top of that the baby was coming out face first and they had to push her back in and perform an emergency c-section. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. My mom was there, but she hadn’t wanted me to have the baby. Although she is very sweet, so as soon as the baby was born she went to work in helping to care for her, although she surely told me it was my baby so I would be taking care of her.
We got home and the baby slept in my room with me. When she was old enough I would walk the mile to take her to daycare everyday and I would go to school. I graduated and when I was 18 I moved out. When I moved out my mother asked me if my daughter could stay with her and also because I had a 6 year old little sister and she and my daughter were close. I agreed and although I visited often, my parents raised my daughter. They are good people, pillars of the community who owned their 2 acres of land. My father had cows and is excellent at building machines, he was self taught and did a lot of making things that the children could ride.
My daughter had a great childhood growing up around all of her cousins and family, although she did not have a relationship with her father’s side of the family. He got out of prison when she was 5 and she spent the night with he and his wife on occasion, having a sister whose 4 years older than her and them being very close.
When my daughter was 9 I stopped visiting. I would eat dinner at my aunt’s house every day and I could see my parent’s house from her porch, but I couldn’t go there for 2 years. I would look back and say my aunt had a curse on me. My daughter was excelling in academics, but I didn’t make a big deal about it.
When my daughter was 12 I had a son with my new husband and my daughter moved back in with me to be around her new brother. We got into the church at this time. I loved her, but maybe our bond had been broken. When she turned 15, we had it rough. I didn’t understand her. She left at 17 and moved back in with her grandparent but the damage was done.
My daughter didn’t take the scholarship and she got pregnant at 19 to a 24 year old man. But at 8 months she lost the baby, it seemed there was a slow leak of fluid. We had a funeral for the baby and tis was a sad time. What I didn’t know was that this experience gave my daughter a new outlook on children. At the same time the next year she was giving birth to a son and almost every other year since then she has had a baby. Shes been mostly self sufficient and around the age of 25 she seemed to bloom.
About 6 months into the blooming she met elijah.
Take someone like my daughter. She’s 10 years old and wants to be a judge one day. Now imagine I was 15 when I conceived her, so my mother and father raised her. She’s very intelligent, always honors classes, student government, and sports. She attended Girl State and was being groomed into leadership since she was 12. She runs track and plays basketball. In high school she was on the prom court both years and the homecoming court for 3. She was in charge of the school flag and graduated with honors receiving a scholarship. With her grandparents she went camping, took summer trips to Disneyland and was generally loved.
Then I, her mother, who was pregnant in high school by a man who was almost twice my age. He went to prison when I was pregnant and was there for 5 years, but before he left he denied that my baby was his even though I knew he took my virginity. Now he’s gone, his entire family believes him in this small community 1⁄2 square mile and that is where both of us grew up alongside his 8 brothers and sisters and my 3 along with all of our aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides. The family is even more extended because my mother and her sister married my father and his brother and they all live in this small community along with my baby’s father’s entire family.
No one believes me. I told my parents it was a boy whose my age’s baby. They told me to invite him over for dinner, but I never did.
They told me I had to get an abortion even though I wanted to keep my baby. We went there and my parents paid. Although the doctor ended up saying I was too far along. They said I was way farther than I knew I was, but either way I was keeping the baby. My delivery was a nightmare. I was only a child and I was so scared. And on top of that the baby was coming out face first and they had to push her back in and perform an emergency c-section. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. My mom was there, but she hadn’t wanted me to have the baby. Although she is very sweet, so as soon as the baby was born she went to work in helping to care for her, although she surely told me it was my baby so I would be taking care of her.
We got home and the baby slept in my room with me. When she was old enough I would walk the mile to take her to daycare everyday and I would go to school. I graduated and when I was 18 I moved out. When I moved out my mother asked me if my daughter could stay with her and also because I had a 6 year old little sister and she and my daughter were close. I agreed and although I visited often, my parents raised my daughter. They are good people, pillars of the community who owned their 2 acres of land. My father had cows and is excellent at building machines, he was self taught and did a lot of making things that the children could ride.
My daughter had a great childhood growing up around all of her cousins and family, although she did not have a relationship with her father’s side of the family. He got out of prison when she was 5 and she spent the night with he and his wife on occasion, having a sister whose 4 years older than her and them being very close.
When my daughter was 9 I stopped visiting. I would eat dinner at my aunt’s house every day and I could see my parent’s house from her porch, but I couldn’t go there for 2 years. I would look back and say my aunt had a curse on me. My daughter was excelling in academics, but I didn’t make a big deal about it.
When my daughter was 12 I had a son with my new husband and my daughter moved back in with me to be around her new brother. We got into the church at this time. I loved her, but maybe our bond had been broken. When she turned 15, we had it rough. I didn’t understand her. She left at 17 and moved back in with her grandparent but the damage was done.
My daughter didn’t take the scholarship and she got pregnant at 19 to a 24 year old man. But at 8 months she lost the baby, it seemed there was a slow leak of fluid. We had a funeral for the baby and tis was a sad time. What I didn’t know was that this experience gave my daughter a new outlook on children. At the same time the next year she was giving birth to a son and almost every other year since then she has had a baby. Shes been mostly self sufficient and around the age of 25 she seemed to bloom.
About 6 months into the blooming she met elijah.
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The Whole Story |
CPS Kidnapping |
CPS Afterward lies and drama |
CPS Afterward Lies and Drama pt.2 |
2010-2016 I was a victim of coercive control and domestic violence-
these are just some of the things elijah mcloren vick has done to me...He pushed me into a wall while I was holding our 9 month old son; He pushed me off the bed with our newborn; left me at the mall 9 months pregnant. I was choke slammed into our baby’s playpen; Shut outside with little clothes on to have to break a window to get back inside; He smacked the Bible out of my hand; Pushed me into a closet door fracturing my pelvis; He punched the screen to my Macbook while I was using it, shattering it; He completely destroyed our house by punching holes all down the hallway walls. He punch the bathroom door completely in half; daily emotional abuse, many instances of me
being in our room screaming at his hand...but the worst was yet to come.
May 2016
It became life or death. I had to get out by any means. I found a place to hide out, but he found me through google location and came to the house knocking on the door for an hour. They no longer wanted me there.
May 22, 2016- He threw our son’s favorite tricycle that he loved so much at me with all his might, barely missing me in front of our daughter. She immediately ran screaming saying “its a monster, its a monster, help” to the neighbor’s. He ran after her and she immediately turned nice to him saying “oh hey daddy.” He is truly a terrorist.
Early June 2016- He was charged with communicating threats after he said he would kill me
June 11 2016- He threw that same tricycle into my friends’ windshield, which I had to pay for. He then jumped on top of the windshield with his feet smashing it in. He then grabbed me from behind by my neck and slammed me onto the ground. I was on the phone with my mother and step father at this time and they called the police. When he heard the sirens coming he ran away. This whole ordeal had me in a place to where I did not know what was going on. I did not understand the cycle of events that were occurring or how to end them. I felt that having people around was a way to stay safe while trying to liberate myself and the children from the situation.
Late June 2016- the perpetrator said that he was in Washington after he fled. At some point he got arrested for the charge Assault on a Female.
July 1 2016- I had friends and friends of friends over at my house. I was told that I would be notified if the perpetrator got out of jail. I was in a position at the time of vulnerability created by the perpetrator, which caused our family to be weak.The situation was to where I had invited a couple friends over, but they incited their friends and at this point i wanted everyone to leave. I called the person who seemed to be most dominant among the guests aside to ask them to ask everyone to leave. To my surprise, he tried to advance me and started pulling on my clothes. I was saying no, but he was still pursuing the act. At this very moment, the dirtbag elijah, who, if he was in the right frame of mind through it all, could have saved the day. Yet, he busted in and started punching and fighting. The next thing I remember was waking up my mouth was pouring blood. My son called the police. The people who were there tried to jump him but he fought them. Once again he disappeared. He had punched me in the face , knocking me unconscious, fracturing my 4 bottom teeth from the bone, pushing them back into my mouth and knocking out one tooth (which I horrifyingly found later while moving out of that house by myself). They did x- rays to see if I had swallowed it, but it wasn’t there. They did surgery and placed the teeth back. Thank God they went back but they weren’t the same. I stayed in the hospital for a week, more because it was a safe place. After this I went to a domestic violence shelter and stayed there for about 2 weeks. The children were with my grandparents. When they first saw me again the first thing they said was oh good mommy you’re not bleeding anymore. The next week my grandparents let the children go with him. I was weak.
August 2016- My biggest thing at this time was finding safety. It was not safe at our home. I stayed with a friend for a while and was making the steps daily to find a place. In the place where I was, I had to walk to the library about a mile everyday to use the internet and try to work on making things happen. I had gotten connected with Triangle Family Services and they help with deposit and 1st month rent for people in similar situations.
September 2016- One early morning when I got to the library, the perpetrator was there. Later I learned that he found me again through hacking my email and getting location from google. I tried to run but he grabbed me and put me into his car. He took me to a location back in the woods of Hillsboro while I begged him not to kill me. I was exhausted. He took me to some people’s house who had taken him in and the children were there. I was so happy to see them and to be with them again. He talked to the people about renting him a van to drive back to Washington and they did. We stayed there for about a week and then drove to Washington. My 2 oldest sons were still at their grandparents.
October 2016- Washington was a nightmare. He dragged me by my legs down the basement stairs into the basement on an almost daily basis and tortured me. I was being emotionally abused and being put into massive amounts of fear to try and tear me down and break me down. He forced me to strip and put me into a general mindset to do what I was told without question.
February 2017- One day after he had choked me, I was able to convince him to go alone to pick up the children from daycare. While he was gone I ran to the police station. They let me know about the local shelter where I could find safety. I had to develop a plan to be able to get out with the children. Some days later I found a way out and the children and I went to the shelter. We stayed there for a few days and then we flew back to North Carolina. I was pregnant.
March 2017- through Triangle Family Services I found an apartment in Raleigh and they helped me so much by paying the 1st month rent and deposit. The children and I were finally safe from him.
June 2017- He found out where we lived and he came and took the children back to Washington. By the time he was there for a week or so I felt my only option was to say I would be with him. He came and brought the children back and was there for the birth of our child and moved in.
November 2017- we moved to a house in Durham. Since May of 2016 I had been planning a hiphop festival, which was set to debut in June 2018. I faced many challenges but did not give up. From November till June, the hiphop festival was the biggest part of everything. The children were in school and enjoying the neighborhood. The perpetrator was on probation so any infraction he knew would cost him. This controlled his behavior a great deal. He did a lot to try and sabotage the upcoming event, everyday arguing about petty things to try and distract from the goal. Once I started conversing with famous artists and looking at major sponsorships, he started trying to get more involved.
NC Hiphop Festival Instagram
March 2017- through Triangle Family Services I found an apartment in Raleigh and they helped me so much by paying the 1st month rent and deposit. The children and I were finally safe from him.
June 2017- He found out where we lived and he came and took the children back to Washington. By the time he was there for a week or so I felt my only option was to say I would be with him. He came and brought the children back and was there for the birth of our child and moved in.
November 2017- we moved to a house in Durham. Since May of 2016 I had been planning a hiphop festival, which was set to debut in June 2018. I faced many challenges but did not give up. From November till June, the hiphop festival was the biggest part of everything. The children were in school and enjoying the neighborhood. The perpetrator was on probation so any infraction he knew would cost him. This controlled his behavior a great deal. He did a lot to try and sabotage the upcoming event, everyday arguing about petty things to try and distract from the goal. Once I started conversing with famous artists and looking at major sponsorships, he started trying to get more involved.
NC Hiphop Festival Instagram
June 2018 Event took place
September 2018- moved out of the house
October 2018- We were set to go to Oklahoma to escape from hurricane Florence that was about to hit NC. My mother, Juanita Lee, decided to kidnap my 2 oldest sons. She tried to undermine my authority, but they were using the behavior of the perpetrator (Elijah) as the reasoning for such. The day she took them she said to me, while I was reading them a book, “ain’t gone be no homeschooling in this house.” She tried to make out her taking them as the right thing to her friends, but in reality she was against me and was trying to hurt me. She conceived me at 15 and did not raise me. She has completely skipped over her responsibility as my parent, and then tried to come in and be a parent to my sons. The perpetrator's cousin was moving out of his house. We took over his lease. Perpetrator was still on probation so the physical abuse was low. Emotional abuse was still occurring.
October 2018- I booked his flight wrong and we had to drive to Georgia. While I was in the passenger seat he started punching me with the back of his fist for the mistake that I made. I had him pull over at a park and i called the police. He found out and picked me up and put me into the car and sped away.
February 2019- Went to NC and was able to get my sons from my mother’s house, we all went back to Oklahoma.
April 2019-May 2019- Went to visit NC and sons held up in my mother’s house again.
September 2018- moved out of the house
October 2018- We were set to go to Oklahoma to escape from hurricane Florence that was about to hit NC. My mother, Juanita Lee, decided to kidnap my 2 oldest sons. She tried to undermine my authority, but they were using the behavior of the perpetrator (Elijah) as the reasoning for such. The day she took them she said to me, while I was reading them a book, “ain’t gone be no homeschooling in this house.” She tried to make out her taking them as the right thing to her friends, but in reality she was against me and was trying to hurt me. She conceived me at 15 and did not raise me. She has completely skipped over her responsibility as my parent, and then tried to come in and be a parent to my sons. The perpetrator's cousin was moving out of his house. We took over his lease. Perpetrator was still on probation so the physical abuse was low. Emotional abuse was still occurring.
October 2018- I booked his flight wrong and we had to drive to Georgia. While I was in the passenger seat he started punching me with the back of his fist for the mistake that I made. I had him pull over at a park and i called the police. He found out and picked me up and put me into the car and sped away.
February 2019- Went to NC and was able to get my sons from my mother’s house, we all went back to Oklahoma.
April 2019-May 2019- Went to visit NC and sons held up in my mother’s house again.
April-May 2019 - Elijah left us. The children and I stayed for 6 weeks in hotels. I was pregnant not wanting to leave my sons in a different state. I met a nice elder muslim who invited us to their mosque at this time. The children and I went the next night and enjoyed The Eid with them, it was beautiful. The sisters bought me a lot of clothes from this really cool thrift store by NC State mosque. The day after meeting them our car was repossessed from our hotel in the middle of the night. The company had a tracking device on it and came from Oklahoma to get it. Thank God I did not hear the receptionist calling and knocking on the door because I would have been distraught to see them drive away with all of our things. Me 7 months pregnant with the 4 small ones. The lady at the hotel, Asia, who became my good friend after this was able to cover my room with her employee benefits for 2 nights. We had to leave and go back to OK.
August 2019- Hired a lawyer to get my sons back. I hired a lawyer in NC who said it is under OK jurisdiction. Hired a lawyer in OK, judge saying it is NC jurisdiction. Stuck between the courts. Also being torn with the type of person who I know he is, but my mother not being any better and wanting my children to be safe above all else.
August 2019- Hired a lawyer to get my sons back. I hired a lawyer in NC who said it is under OK jurisdiction. Hired a lawyer in OK, judge saying it is NC jurisdiction. Stuck between the courts. Also being torn with the type of person who I know he is, but my mother not being any better and wanting my children to be safe above all else.
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<----- case details from oscn showing I hired attorney Waddell to get my children and Judge McGuire disposed it.
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October 2019- Around this time is when I learned about narcissism. I learned that everything I had been through was a result of narcissism, I got educated and learned how to protect myself from a person with this disorder.
May 1, 2020 on another attempt to get the boys from NC here is the perpetrator my ex, the narcissist, talking about how he doesn't want the children.
May 1, 2020 on another attempt to get the boys from NC here is the perpetrator my ex, the narcissist, talking about how he doesn't want the children.
👇🏾 Me trying to keep relationship together
👆🏾 This is his response to my genuine effort. smh
July 2020- We were supposed to be going camping. Perpetrator tried to ruin it just like he ruins all other family outings by waiting until everyone is in the car to say he’s not going. He manufactured anger and ended up slamming my hand in the door to the house. He said “you take the kids camping by yourself.” I realized at this moment that if he hasn’t changed by now, that he would never change. Yes, it took me way too long to get to this point. At this point i could say that was 100% sure that he would never ever change. This realization is what gave me the push i needed to I took the children and left. This was our opportunity to flee and we took it. We went to North Carolina to get my oldest sons from my mother who is also a narcissist. We were already staying in hotels in Oklahoma, so we went to NC and did the same finding balance. And we only stay in 4 star hotels. I have been fully aware for the last 2 years that once I have all of my children with me and safe, is when we can all move forward in progress. There has been no way for us to progress with our family being under attack. We got some land and started clearing it, healing the children, meditating and finally finding consistency on a daily basis for the children to show them that everyday life can be ok without chaos, hatred and anger.
These are some of the texts I received shortly after leaving.
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August 2020 we had already acquired the land before we saw it. Choosing a plot that was an hour for where my sons were being held to continue that battle. 1 hour is a heck of a lot better than 19 hours. The children in this picture have been there to see "grandma" take and hold their brothers, cutting off their relationship with them not being able to talk to each other. Divide and conquer and isolation is a clear tactic of the evil narcissist. There is no need for anyone to try to put it together to be something else. Who can operate being under attack? And the attacks have not stopped. 1st it was Juanita and Elijah and now it is dhs and elijah. The evil will be eradicated from our lives and we will find peace soon.
October 2020- My oldest son came back to me of his own will once he found out I was no longer with the perpetrator.
November 30, 2020- used law enforcement and was able to finally get my younger son from my mother’s house after such a long and hard struggle. I had all of my children together for the first time in a long time. We all rode to Walmart together and my 16 year old played the Akon song, “nobody wants to see us together but it don’t matter no, cause I’ve got you.” This is now our song. We were together in peace for almost 12 hours...
December 1, 2020- Juanita called dhs and made allegations about a place where she had never been. When called by a friend she advised “had I not used the police to get my son back” this would not have happened. DHS came manipulated by her with 10 cops mentioning her name. I didn’t let them trespass the property because they were mentioning her name having no idea what I had been through.
December 2, 2020- dhs came back with 20 cops with assault rifles and kidnapped the children without a court order and illegally took all 8 of them to my mother, an act of conspiracy. The dhs worker stole my keys and purse, took my partner Todd to jail with the charge of resisting with no preceding charge when he was merely walking down our property with them to protect us from them with their unnecessary weapons. They later admitted under oath that they made up a story in their petition about us having weapons in order to get their ex parte order. (this is filmed)
December 5, 2020- I was informed by my son that the children were taken to an alternate residence to stay. I called 911 and was able to speak with their on call child welfare dispatcher. They were able to send someone out to the residence where I met there with law enforcement for the protection of the children. Juanita said she was taking them back with her and they were not going to spend the night. They ended up spending the night anyway as she lied.
December 10, 2020- had to wait 7 days to go to court. Represented myself and got their non secure custody order dissolved. The perpetrator was notified of court because my mother gave all of the children’s information and his information. He was at court. After court he held me for an hour and a half trying to make up for the last 5 months without his abuse. He wanted a divorce right then and there, he wanted me to go to lunch with him, he wanted the car, he wanted me to go back to Oklahoma with him and then he settled on the kids. ( I have the full recording of this). I cried, begging because getting the children back from her was a real victory after the 2 years that I had been fighting to have them all together again. I was able to get him to leave me alone by telling him that I had divorce papers in the car. I left, but my partner was in the courthouse trying to get the dissolution order. On the phone he told me he asked them if he could go pick up the kids, they told him no. They took them from me, they had to give them back to me. Due to the further negligence and malfeasance of dss, they did not call me at all to arrange the return of the children. They disregarded the court order and called only the perpetrator. He went to my mother’s house and of course she would give them to him because her interest is to hurt me. The 3 of them, my mother, the perpetrator and dss conspired together to try and keep the children out of my reach. He violated the court order and immediately brought them to Oklahoma and hid them from me.
This is the text thread between Elijah and Juanita with them conspiring for him to steal the children
Full Audio of Elijah Outside the courthouse torturing me to prevent me from picking up the children. With his narcissistic selfishness that it took so long to escape.
December 19- I found his girlfriend on facebook and saw that the children were being left with her as he was never there. She let me talk to the children on video message of which every call was recorded. The children were sick and not being well taken care of. After he found out I was talking to his girlfriend he blocked me from her facebook. I was not able to see or check on them and they were sick. She already had 2 children, one of which is a 2 year old with autism. She did not have the capacity to care for our 5 children.
elijah admitting to the abuse
elijah- "you're a c*nt alicia"
elijah rambling on and on about what he thinks I need to do
Elijah the abuser, go to therapy for my abuse of you before you see the children
December 22, 2020- I was able to get an emergency custody order to get the children from him. He had sent our 9 year old to Washington with his sister and I was not able to talk to her for 3 weeks. He was using the dissolved non-secure custody paperwork to sway people to be against me. He used it to persuade his sister to keep my daughter from me.
December 29- I flew to Washington to get a writ of habeas corpus to get my daughter from her.
January 1- I was able to get her and we flew back on January 1. I had all of my children together for the first time for more than 1 day (2 days this time).
January 4- Was the show cause hearing for my abuser on the emergency custody order. Any time he or my mother talks to someone before me, that person thinks that I am nothing without even knowing me, it is the nature of evil of narcissism. I should not have gone to the hearing and should have just took my babies and left. I went and have only been treated worse by my oppressor. The judge acted as if she already knew me, she was very disrespectful and he was able to also pull her in with the dissolved non-secure custody order, her not being able to comprehend the matter. When I went for the emergency custody order I did not talk about all of the trauma from North Carolina and only stuck to the present neglect that the children were experiencing. The judge did not like being presented with this info by him in his manipulation. He convinced her that I was homeless and she could not understand that I was staying in a hotel in Oklahoma because I do not live in OK. She decided to give him custody of the children and to call dss to investigate. A nightmare!!! He once again, found where I was and I have no idea how, coming with the police to take the babies away. Just before he had knocked on the door, we all looked out the hotel room window and noticed all of our tires were flat. He slashed all 4 of my tires right before he came to get the babies.
January 6- The perpetrator was kicked out of his girlfriend’s house and moved to his sister’s house who is diagnosed schizophrenic and has a reputation within the family for her unreasonable behavior. Had a followup call with Moore County NC Dss which is recorded. Their clear incompetence is displayed throughout the call, having the nerve to, after they kidnapped our children with assault rifles without a court order, to say that we did not ask them if we could come to Oklahoma. And then when I asked them the reason why I was in Oklahoma, them knowing everything relating to the perpetrator taking the kids and bringing them across state lines, they said we came because we wanted to.
December 29- I flew to Washington to get a writ of habeas corpus to get my daughter from her.
January 1- I was able to get her and we flew back on January 1. I had all of my children together for the first time for more than 1 day (2 days this time).
January 4- Was the show cause hearing for my abuser on the emergency custody order. Any time he or my mother talks to someone before me, that person thinks that I am nothing without even knowing me, it is the nature of evil of narcissism. I should not have gone to the hearing and should have just took my babies and left. I went and have only been treated worse by my oppressor. The judge acted as if she already knew me, she was very disrespectful and he was able to also pull her in with the dissolved non-secure custody order, her not being able to comprehend the matter. When I went for the emergency custody order I did not talk about all of the trauma from North Carolina and only stuck to the present neglect that the children were experiencing. The judge did not like being presented with this info by him in his manipulation. He convinced her that I was homeless and she could not understand that I was staying in a hotel in Oklahoma because I do not live in OK. She decided to give him custody of the children and to call dss to investigate. A nightmare!!! He once again, found where I was and I have no idea how, coming with the police to take the babies away. Just before he had knocked on the door, we all looked out the hotel room window and noticed all of our tires were flat. He slashed all 4 of my tires right before he came to get the babies.
January 6- The perpetrator was kicked out of his girlfriend’s house and moved to his sister’s house who is diagnosed schizophrenic and has a reputation within the family for her unreasonable behavior. Had a followup call with Moore County NC Dss which is recorded. Their clear incompetence is displayed throughout the call, having the nerve to, after they kidnapped our children with assault rifles without a court order, to say that we did not ask them if we could come to Oklahoma. And then when I asked them the reason why I was in Oklahoma, them knowing everything relating to the perpetrator taking the kids and bringing them across state lines, they said we came because we wanted to.
Follow up Call with Moore County DSS
Part 1
Part 1
Part 2
Follow up call with North Carolina Child Welfare Director Theresa Strom
January 7- the dss worker came to our hotel room and I was able to explain the entire situation to her, which she seemed to understand. She let me know that she does not have any safety concerns with me. Supervisor advising it takes 30 days for their investigation to have report ready for judge.
January 7-15 going to Palomar to find resources for this horrible situation. Applied for legal aid, filed dvpo but was denied for emergency court date because the judge likely did not understand that full situation. set for 1/28. No current court date for hearing on custody because of his manipulation. I also found out that the children are being left all day with the schizophrenic aunt as they were being left with the girlfriend. The aunt has no children of her own. Has a history of dislike and hatred toward me, has been committed to a mental institution for months at a time, has a news story online of her biting an officer. The perpetrator is never there.
January 28- DVPO court. Perpetrator, sadly, was not served. Long story short, new court date 2/11. I also have a recording of the schizophrenic aunt on this day calling around trying to get shots for the children on her own resolve.
January 29- entered voluntary dismissal on the case, as per advice of dvpo judge.
January 31- My 8 year old told me that the schizophrenic aunt hit my 3 year old daughter because she spilled a little bit of juice and when he said “can you please not hit my sister” she said “I don’t care”. I have a recording of her calling around trying to get shots for the children for some reason. She has now blocked the children from talking to me and they are showing their fear. Blocked because my son told me that she was hitting them.
February 1- My son snuck to send me an audio message to say that they said you better not call your mother and that they would spank him and put him into timeout.
February 2- was the 30 day mark for the dss investigation. The worker said that if I feared for the children’s safety, I should call the police. I went to the house and called them. They got on the phone with the perpetrator and he told them to take my baby from me. The police took my baby without the perpetrator being present and gave him to the schizophrenic aunt and told me that I would be arrested for trespassing if I didn’t leave. I showed them that the case had been dissolved but they all conspired against me along with him to take my children.
Call with supervisor Amanda Mawson and her advising people with mental illness make perfectly good caretakers and that theres nothing they can do without marks on the children
February 4- Recording of the schizophrenic aunt who has my children, saying that she would let me see the children in a park if I give her their social security cards.
February 5- Dss advising that their investigation will be done on 2/12- 10 days outside of the 30 day window.
February 8- now everyone agrees that with the case being dismissed, the order giving the perpetrator custody is also dismissed.
February 8, 2021
I went and called law enforcement to the house where the children were being held. The children were telling me that they were being hit by the aunt and the worker said I should call law enforcement if I feel they were being hit, so I did . On Jan 4, Elijah and I agreed for me to keep my baby. So even though he was given this temporary custody, we agreed for me to keep the baby. When I went to call law enforcement about the sister hitting my children the officers and this cps worker decided to take my baby from me and give him to this mentally ill aunt without the abuser being present. Below is the recording from the interaction.
I went and called law enforcement to the house where the children were being held. The children were telling me that they were being hit by the aunt and the worker said I should call law enforcement if I feel they were being hit, so I did . On Jan 4, Elijah and I agreed for me to keep my baby. So even though he was given this temporary custody, we agreed for me to keep the baby. When I went to call law enforcement about the sister hitting my children the officers and this cps worker decided to take my baby from me and give him to this mentally ill aunt without the abuser being present. Below is the recording from the interaction.
This is my first conversation with captain stephens of stillwater police. Requesting his help.
Feb 19- elijah’s cousin who used to work for cps called me trying to figure out what’s going on because she said someone called her to try to figure it out. (recorded) They broke confidentiality.
Call with the cousin trying to push visitation onto them and the idea of them letting the children talk to me
crystal starts threatening me at around 15 minutes.
crystal starts threatening me at around 15 minutes.
February 20, 2020- My daughter's bday is tomorrow and her abusive father has not only cut off phone convo between us, her friend just said he said that elijah said mimi is not allowed to play Roblox with me. What kind of shenanigans is this. Yesterday her friend said she seemed sad. She had not been able to talk to mimi because her dad cut off her communication and she was getting worried about mimi. I found her friend on roblox to be able to tell her what's going on with mimi. Mimi has known this friend since she was 2 years old.
Thursday- 2/25/21- Waited to go to court to be heard on custody. Got there and this:
Court minute: JUDGE KULLING: THE PETITIONER APPEARS PRO SE. THE RESPONDENT APPEARS PRO SE. A REPRESENTATIVE FOR THE DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN SERVICES APPEARS AND REQUEST A GUARDIAN AD LITEM BE APPOINTED IN THIS CASE. THE COURT NOW APPOINTS VIRGINIA BANKS AS THE GUARDIAN AD LITEM. THE COURT DENIES THE PETITIONER'S REQUEST FOR A TEMPORARY ORDER AND ORDERS THE CHILDREN TO REMAIN WHERE THEY ARE AND NOT TO BE REMOVED FROM THIS STATE. THE CHILDREN ARE TO BE MADE AVAILABLE TO THE DEPARTMENT OF HUMAN SERVICES AND TO THE GUARDIAN AD LITEM. THE COURT CONTINUES THE CASE TO MARCH 25, 2021 AT 9:00AM.
There is no reason to keep them involved in this case, they are doing this as an act of terrorism. We don't even live in Oklahoma. My children are missing all of their extracurricular activities and school for this nonsense...and when we just waited 45 days for them to complete their investigation. As soon as it was done they decided to open another one.
2/25/21 later that evening- Elijah admitting crystal has schizophrenia and he has no other options for childcare.
Friday- 2/26/21 - Found the legislation under the Social Security act that gives the judges and attorneys 85,000 per year grant that they put into their pockets to keep dhs/dss/cps involvement inside of cases. Realized this is clearly what is happening to us, because as opposed to judge kulling just making the order for the children to be returned to me. They chose to have the 4th dhs investigations open when one was just closed and there are no new allegations. They are trying to earn the money they get from the gov't while my children are in danger.
2/26/21- Today Oklahoma County worker stopped by elijas cousin's house looking for me. This doesn't make sense because their investigation is closed. This domestic terrorism will come to an end real soon watch and see.
March 9, 21 call with Payne county dhs child welfare director. I had to take another call from the NC DA and we still have not been able to reconnect.
March 20, 2021- Sad message from the NC Attorney General's office stating they don't have oversight on county DHS...no one does
March 26, 2021- Judge Kulling recuses himself from the case due to admitted bias, having worked closely with DHS as a DA before becoming a judge, not being able to comprehend our grievance is with DHS.
After the hard process of getting Kulling recused, here comes the new judge, Thomas. We resubmitted the emergency petition to her and she denied it simply citing the previous biased judge denied it. We went to the chief Judge on
April 8, 2021- Have not been able to see or hold my babies since January 4th. I went to take some socks and underwear to my girls and had my 8 year old son go put them on the porch. The violent mentally ill aunt called the police and they tried to say again that I should not go over there. That if I have things to bring to the children I should leave them in the dirt at the corner of the property. They said that my 8 year old taking the things on the porch was him acting as my agent and they wouldn't look good on me. This situation couldn't get any worse.
April 13, 2021
All of us are really feeling the effects of this, but my partner's son was really feeling it. He was abused by his mother for many years and his father was finally able to get custody. Now he's being privy to yet another abuser at the hands of these people. They brought him into it. They try to separate themselves from the NC cps that negligently caused all of this but they are all the same. Now they had the nerve to come talking about what medicine we will put him on when they are the ones who caused this all. They are such a joke. JUST LEAVE US ALONE!!!!!!!!!
April 26, 2021
Here she comes again walking up onto the property of our Airbnb bad. Then she has the nerve to act scared. These young females they have doing this job are ridiculous and then they really threaten people. Does she have children herself??? More than likely not.
May 17, 2021
I had not seen my babies since January 4th at the hands of this convicted domestic abuser, who has a warrant for his arrest in North Carolina and has absconded probation. So I went to the daycare to get them. The daycare worker assaulted my daughter. She snatched her away so I we couldn't hug each other and took her and my baby into the house, but my sons were able to get my 10 year old daughter and take her back to our house. So they put this abuser inside of their car and took him to my house while on this video saying its none of my business where they are going, when they are taking him to my house and I have a protective order against him. They have the dhs stay in place paper from 2 months prior, trying to act like that's a custody order. Get real. The paper doesn't even say who the children are supposed to be with. So they tried to come and get my daughter from the house. Thank Mother Nature my 16 year old son was able to let them know its private property when they got there before us and tried to get him to let them into the house. The one who was putting on the vest in the first video lied to my son and told him that we were detained. Then when my son saw us walking up he knew he couldn't trust that guy anymore. They ended up leaving without my daughter but this evil judge gave her back to him on the 26th and illegally tried to cut the kids and me off from each other all together. These people are going to burn in hell with their evil.
May 26, 2021
2 HOUR COURT HEARING- I DID NOT GET TO SHARE ALL OF THIS FOR INTERRUPTIONS BY THE JUDGE.
1. FIRST PART
According to Oklahoma Statute any mediator or guardian ad litem appointed to a case involving domestic violence must be what is called “trauma informed.” They must have a certain amount of hours of training in understanding coercive control and the batterer victim relationship, which is a unique type of relationship, that any person who has been a part of this type of relationship can attest to not being anywhere close to what would be considered normal in regard to the behavior of the batterer. In speaking to the supervisor at Wings of Hope yesterday and us discussing what is really happening in family courts relating to domestic violence, she said every week she sees how unfair the family courts are to domestic violence victims. She said the judges have refused to get the same training that is required of mediators and GALs because they claim it would cause bias. Speaking from the perspective of a person who has been involved in one of these very unconventional relationships, the idea that a judge refusing to become educated on the traits of a mental health issue claiming that it would cause bias is outrageous to say the least. Narcissism is a mental health issue and 100% of abusers are narcissists. Myself being an activist, when my children were taken, I started a group on FB simply by asking in the DV groups: “Anyone who has had her children taken and separated from them by their abuser, please send me a message so you can get on our Zoom call tonight at 7:30pm CST with a news reporter to draw attention to this very serious issue.”
I have never had so many notifications as when I posted this in about 5 groups. Within 6 hours I had 35 women in a group who all were experiencing this and in most of the cases, the family courts were involved. Most cases involved a crooked judge who had either been bought or fooled by the abuser and in most cases the woman had not seen her children for an extended period of time even though there were orders for certain visitation. In all cases the children were the ones who were suffering, as you can imagine, a stranger ordered them to be away from their “safe parent” and to reside with a narcissist. They were separated from siblings, from love and from safety, and you better believe the narcissist would use any paperwork given to him ordering his victim away from her children as a means of continued emotional abuse. In most cases the abuser never expressed interest in custody until it became an understood means of continued emotional abuse. The women in the group are all friends now and we all support each other because in its textbook fashion, the narcissist has isolated his victim and cut her off from all friends and family over time. In one case the judge knows that my friend Kat’s 4 year old was sexually abused by her father and he awarded him sole custody because her ex has a sexual relationship with his lawyer and the lawyer does whatever he needs done for her. In another case my friend has spent 30,000 and has not seen her child for over a year, and in another case my friend Sheena had to leave her home because her younger brother was living with her and he got shot 7 times, so it was not safe for them. She followed the statute to a T and notified everyone who the statute advised in the correct amount of time, but because her abuser, who guaranteed to push the issue, did, she is now looking at 5-10 years in prison for kidnapping, she has not seen her 12 year old daughter in over a year who the court knows is living in a 1 bedroom
apartment with 5 people, the mom ordered all relating documentation about her case and knows that the child has expressed discomfort relating to sexual abuse and the judge refuses to extend any favor toward my friend. This is just 3 out of the 30 cases that all have very similar patterns of continued abuse onto the victim by the family courts.
We all have our theories as to why this injustice is occuring, some examples include: it being a male dominated society that is not in recognition of what would be considered women’s issues and women will have to push this past naysayers and into the light so it gets the proper attention, another idea is what is being coined “cas4kids.” Relating to human trafficking and the family courts desire to drain the family of all of their resources knowing that the mother will keep fighting for her children, another popular concept is unique statistical data found according to research done by Professor Joan Meier at George Washington Univerfsity, which studied 2000 custody cases nationwide. The study found that if a woman or child alleged abuse and the man alleged parental alienation, she was twice as likely to lose her child due to a psychologist, who has now passed away, and his study on what he coined “parental alienation syndrome in a child. Another reason that has been put forth about this phenomenon is the idea that it is easier for people to believe that a woman is crazy as the abuser asserts, than that a man would do such brutal things to his family. And the last significant idea that has been put forth about why family courts have been giving custody of children to abusers in record numbers is that it is being put forth that the woman has coached the child into lying about being abused. I personally would also like to add, from having these discussions with women who are experiencing this torture of losing their children to their abuser, the fact that the abuser has done financial abuse on the woman and in most cases is able to hire an expensive lawyer, they, together with the judge, dominate the woman and children. In one case with one of my new friends, she was ordered by the judge not to cry when they ripped her children away and gave them to the abuser. The disappointment with me is that for any person who cares to do the research, the attitude of an abuser is textbook. 15 minutes of reading gives great insight into this unique relationship between batterer and victim, but for a person who has not done the research, the batterer has a special way of transferring energy that creates a false image of the victim, which can be so intense that it pervades the life of the victim. Alongside this energy is the confusion that is created in the innocent bystander who finds themself randomly learning information about someone who they have likely never met before, but that energy of confusion comes about when the victim gets the chance to express their side of the story to that person, who really never cared to be inside of what appears from the outside to be, “someone’s drama.” They, at this point, choose to close themself off to the situation and those involved, expressing that they don’t want to be involved, take sides or be in the middle. They don’t want to choose who to believe. Research shows how the abuser standpoint is always purely emotional, lacking any form of rationality. It is always based on how the abuser “feels” in the situation and never relates to what is best. Issues come about when the victim is not fully educated on narcissistic and emotional abuse and falls into the traps that are set for her ultimate destruction.
Sadly, because of my conversation with my DV advocate and her expression of how the Payne County court judges refuse to become educated on the victim batterer relationship, I have to spend a portion of my time educating you on what that relationship entails.
I will do this through reading excerpts from 2 documents. 1 is the Oklahoma Child Welfare Worker Desk Reference Guide on Domestic Violence. This is the handbook that all OK child welfare workers must go by when Domestic Violence is alleged or present within a family that they are working with. The workers sadly do not follow this guide. This was taken from the OK department of Human Services website library.
The other document that I will be reading excerpts from is Lundy Bancroft’s popular article: Understanding the Batterer in Custody battles. Lundy Bancroft is a world renown psychiatrist who has spent a great deal of time counseling 1000s of abusers and so has great insight into the abuser mindset.
After this I will read the Oklahoma statutes relating to domestic Violence. Through all of this, it is nice to know that at least the OK legislator seems to understand this power control cycle and has made the laws to work in the favor of the abused victim and the children. Our issue has been the courts either being unaware of or refusing to follow these laws.
MY STORY
I am going to start with telling my back story, but I am doing it from a 3rd person perspective as if I was my mother.
Take someone like my daughter. She’s 10 years old and wants to be a judge one day. Now imagine I was 15 when I conceived her, so my mother and father raised her. She’s very intelligent, always honors classes, student government, and sports. She attended Girl State and was being groomed into leadership since she was 12. She runs track and plays basketball. In high school she was on the prom court both years and the homecoming court for 3. She was in charge of the school flag and graduated with honors receiving a scholarship. With her grandparents she went camping, took summer trips to Disneyland and was generally loved. Then I, her mother, who was pregnant in high school by a man who was almost twice my age. He went to prison when I was pregnant and was there for 5 years, but before he left he denied that my baby was his even though I knew he took my virginity. Now he’s gone, his entire family believes him in this small community 1⁄2 square mile and that is where both of us grew up alongside his 8 brothers and sisters and my 3 along with all of our aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides. The family is even more extended because my mother and her sister married my father and his brother and they all live in this small community along with my baby’s father’s entire family. No one believes me. I told my parents it was a boy whose my age’s baby. They told me to invite him over for dinner, but I never did. They told me I had to get an abortion even
though I wanted to keep my baby. We went there and my parents paid. Although the doctor ended up saying I was too far along. They said I was way farther than I knew I was, but either way I was keeping the baby. My delivery was a nightmare. I was only a child and I was so scared. And on top of that the baby was coming out face first and they had to push her back in and perform an emergency c-section. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. My mom was there, but she hadn’t wanted me to have the baby. Although she is very sweet, so as soon as the baby was born she went to work in helping to care for her, although she surely told me it was my baby so I would be taking care of her. We got home and the baby slept in my room with me. When she was old enough I would walk the mile to take her to daycare everyday and I would go to school. I graduated and when I was 18 I moved out. When I moved out my mother asked me if my daughter could stay with her and also because I had a 6 year old little sister and she and my daughter were close. I agreed and although I visited often, my parents raised my daughter. They were good people, pillars o the community who owned their 2 acres of land. My father had cows and was excellent at building machines, he was self taught and did a lot of making things that the children could ride. My daughter had a great childhood growing up around all of her cousins and family, although she did not have a relationship with her father’s side of the family. He got out of prison when she was 5 and she spent the night with he and his wife on occasion, having a sister whose 4 years older than her and them being very close.
When my daughter was 9 I stopped visiting. I would eat dinner at my aunt’s house every day and I could see my parent’s house from her porch, but I couldn’t go there for 2 years. I would look back and say my aunt had a curse on me. My daughter was excelling in academics, but I didn’t make a big deal about it. When my daughter was 12 I had a son with my new husband and my daughter moved back in with me to be around her new brother. We got into the church at this time. I loved her, but maybe our bond had been broken. When she turned 15, we had it rough. I didn’t understand her. She left at 17 and moved back in with her grandparent but the damage was done. My daughter didn’t take the scholarship and she got pregnant at 19 to a 24 year old man. But at 8 months she lost the baby, it seemed there was a slow leak of fluid. We had a funeral for the baby and tis was a sad time. What I didn’t know was that this experience gave my daughter a new outlook on children. At the same time the next year she was giving birth to a son and almost every other year since then she has had a baby. Shes been mostly self sufficient and around the age of 25 she seemed to bloom. About 6 months into the blooming she met elijah.
ELIJAHS STORY
He told me that when he was a teenager his mother would call his girlfriends and curse them out. He says that when he was 4 his mother broke her leg at her job at Hardees and he had to start taking care of her. He talked about having to wipe her feeces after he helped her to the bathroom to do a bm. She never recovered from the leg injury and became very very very overweight. Even though he and his sisters had to care for her she was still very mean to them
and he says he was being hit with brooms and she’d even thrown a mug at him on at least one occasion. She then up and moved to North Carolina away from his father and the rest of his family when he was 12. They were supposed to be moving in to his uncle’s house who was in Africa at the time, but when they arrived and elijah was sent to check out the place, there was a house full of people and they were having an orgy. The people scattered at the sight of him and he and his sisters had to clean up the party. When his uncle came back from Africa he kicked them out and they were homeless. They stayed in their car and at churches. He says the most embarrassing moment is when he had to stand up in front of the church so everyone could see their sizes to buy things for he and his sisters. He found support in the Durham community which has a deep history for black people. He got really good at skateboarding from going to the grocery store for his family. He learned how to be a music producer from one of the top 5 best hiphop producers on the planet whose residence was at Duke university in Durham. He got really good at music production and audio and was studying Theatre in college, being seemingly fearless, he went to the top. His favorite cousin from Oklahoma who is his same age came to visit him in Durham, they decided to go to a rally that Elijah was invited to and that’s where he met Alicia.
**If objections are made(this shows relevance to where we are currently and the dynamic of he and I’s relationship)
Abuse:
Financial Abuse Litigation Abuse Emotional Abuse Physical Abuse
The Respondent tries to say that I am unstable, but he did not try to support us nor did he have the desire to. On September 22 the Respondent sent $50 on Cashapp once to see how I would respond. I responded with an emoji with no mouth signifying that I was “no contact” so I was not talking to the Respondent. Then 3 hours later he sent another $50. I knew that I had to be strategic about how I replied. Narcissistic abuse is a very dangerous situation relating to how someone with this disorder uses whatever information they have about the person who is the target of their abuse by asking strategic questions. After much deliberation, I chose to send a thumbs up because I figured that would be safe...and it seems that it was because the Respondent did not send any more money. This was 3 months after I left everything behind due to the dangerousness of the Respondent’s behavior. And from that time until December when he kidnapped the children, I did not hear from him. Although not hearing from him was fine with me because Ie just wanted to feel safe.
I did not really start to feel a level of safety until after I got the protective order on February 19th, 2021, but before that I was always looking over my shoulder. I recall not too long ago, being in the woods in our cabin, just looking up at the entrance to the property at our NO TRESPASSING
sign- waiting for him to appear out of nowhere and not knowing what I would do if or when he did. I felt this almost every second.
And when my children were maliciously kidnapped by dhs and the Respondent showed up at court I was terrified. I am blessed because of the favor of the Most High God to know that fear is not rational and that I don’t always have to equate death to something bad. This faith gave me more push to put forth that I was not scared of him even though that was the point of the entire situation. I knew that if he thought I was the least bit scared, he would use it to control me. I know God and I did everything I could to dispel the evil which I knew came from his childhood and some of the stories he told me about his growing up.
All of this nonsense was extremely taxing on me financially. As a human who, like most other humans, wants to get something out of life, this was a direct attack on my progress. I am a fully capable and brilliant person who unfortunately, along with the children, had to experience being trapped under the coercive control of a very dangerous man.
The drama from the Respondent has been a hindrance since it began in around 2011, but 2 years ago I was in an excellent place to create what would be fulfilling in my life in organizing a music festival. But my life has been thrown completely off since 2 years ago and I just want to be able to fulfill my dreams. Life is short and all of this has been a disrespectful and intentional throwing off of my fulfillment.
I am sure he has no problem putting down my endeavors, but I have had no desire to put down the things that he is doing.
I have expressed for years how his negative behavior would affect our future & not only did he refuse to believe me, he was also very mean and nasty to me in the process.
*Play recordings - 5 minute convo - Calling me a cunt
(To prove that he is capable of saying these things & that I wanted my family. I wanted to be with him so badly and he made it impossible. And now the children and I have had to suffer:
We suffered long-term repercussions to all of his constant abrupt reactions. With him there was always an immediate flip like the 20-30 times he punched holes in the walls of our home, and when he punched my computer screen breaking it while I was using it. His choke slamming me and the many other instancances of his short tempered violence.
*Play recording of him admitting to the abuse.
I am not the only one who misses the two babies to the point of physical pain. I know the emotional abuse of the respondent forcefully separating my babies from me too well. I would request that the court issues an order to prevent him from consistently doing that.
I am sure that “superlawyer” Melissa DeLacerda has a wonderful argument prepared as to why she thinks it would be okay for this clearly abusive man to be able to further disrupt and interfere with the beautiful children of this family’s lives. And no, I am not a “superlawyer,” I am just a mom who will do anything to protect the children from any form of abuse, corruption or degradation. I do not have an attorney because that is what God intended. Had it been meant for me to have one, I would have one. This because I know that court is intent on all litigants being represented by an attorney. I would simply ask that the court have respect for me as a pro se litigant, being threatened to file this case in exchange for me to see my children again and not being able to find an attorney who would take the case.
I have no desire or intention to sway my children’s mindsets about the respondent. In fact, I am now paying the price for seeking to take on the responsibility of making sure they have 2 parents so they would not have to grow up the way he and I did, but elijah made it impossible to just live everyday happy and enjoying our blessings. He was consistently being dangerous to our family and our livelihood for no particular reason. I desire very much for him to get evaluated by an experienced professional. After 8 years of not really understanding what was goin on or why he was carrying himself in this way, I came to the conclusion that, and all signs point to narcissistic personality disorder, but I have not been able to get him to attend the correct appointments. I had set up having him evaluated at the Dept of Health and we were able to get his initial intake done. At this intake he revealed that his mother had committed him to a mental health institution when he was a child. He said he felt this was not important info because he did not stay for long and according to him, her reasoning was unjustified. But the evaluator asserted to him that this is important information to share. I was learning this information after 9 years of marriage. I was not able to get him to begin the actual therapy.
We did a few sessions of marriage counseling that I set up, but, even though most of the time was spent with the therapist correcting elijah’s thought patterns about specific situations, the counseling was not specific to either of us individually.
I stayed with elijah and in the relationship for as long as humanly possible to keep our family together and only was able to get out when I could 100% say that I did everything that I possibly could to work it out and could say that I tried everything and it would never get better. After all of the years that we worked to improve our relations, the day I left he blew up at me again with no remorse just like always. He had no reservations, no recollection of our progress and the work we did. None of that meant anything to him. He never apologized, he could not see his behavior. He only blamed how he reacted on me, never taking any responsibility or accountability for his actions. Even now he still chooses to bash and blame me as opposed to honestly taking account for his part in the breakdown of our family. I saw a long time ago the simple need for him to rectify his childhood. He told me the stories, but because his mother passed away he feels he can only say good things that she did. I try to get him to understand that pain he felt at her hand is important too, and that he is important, but he chooses not to accept or acknowledge his own pain relating to his childhood and so he lives a lie. At this point I recognize that it can be damaging to talk about trauma, but when a person has children, there has to be a point where they address themself in order to be better for their children. We have not been able to get elijah to that point.
He now has a warrant for his arrest out of NC and could be arrested at any time.
-When he does get arrested, if he doesn’t have to do the remaining 2 months of his sentence, his probation may be reinstated, which includes his completing DOSE clases that he did not complete (DOse is an acronym for Developing Opportunities for a Safe Environment.)
*show warrant
*show paper from the DOSe woman saying he did not complete it.
According to statute, the court was to delve into the domestic abuse charges against the respondent, but instead the prior judge who admitted bias believed strongly that dhs workers would get to the bottom of everything. According to their policy, there is an entire procedure they must follow for DV. They did not follow it at all. They are also required to make the judge aware of the DV. They did not. The GAL took 30 days of our children’s safety where time is of the essence and due process & speedy remedy is our right. When I told her that my daughter was being intimidated and bullied out of her education and when I shared our curriculum with her, she was set on being sure communication was reestablished. But after she left the courthouse that day, she did not visit the children or connect with them at all in the 30 days that she was given.
My point is that sometimes judges are biased, sometimes workers do the wrong thing, sometimes officers of the court don’t do their jobs, sometimes judges make the wrong decision, and sometimes a mother who only seeks to protect her children’s futures is actually doing just that and doesn’t have ulterior motives.
Every case is unique and all I ask is that the best interest of the children be held at the forefront of everything.
When I left I asked his uncle who I could always call about our relationship if he felt it was safe to reach out to the respondent after being forced to go no contact for our own safety. He told me that he did not think it was safe for me to reach out to the respondent, so I did not.
There is a massive amount of info that advises victims of narcissistic abuse that going no contact is the only way to find safety. The judges involved have not understood the dynamics of narcissistic abuse and the danger to persons that occurs. I want the courts to understand that the respondent punched me in my mouth, knocking me unconscious and fracturing my 4 bottom teeth from the bone and knocking one out. I was unconscious lying on my back with blood draining down my throat. I could easily have died. I woke up on my own to go out into the hallway to see all of my children seeing me with my mouth busted open and blood running down my chin and drenching my shirt and him running out the door. My son called the police. This day I had friends over to feel more safe because he was in jail for a prior assault on me and for communicating threats where he said he would kill me. I knew he could bond out at any time. The jail promised they would call me before they let him out, but they did not call me. He came
straight out of jail and did this assault on me and since this time I have been frozen in fear of him. Only when I got the protective order did I feel any more safe because he is the type who hurts women and children behind closed doors, but he has respect for the police.
After this assault I was in the hospital for 4 days where I had to go under a different name for my safety. I was appreciative of the hospital and its ability to be a safe place for me.
I then went straight to a domestic violence shelter and he was able to take the children from my grandmother and he took them to the state of Washington.
After this it was clear that to see my children, I had to be back in a relationship with him. He actually kidnapped me at this time and drove me far out in the country in Hillsboro. I begged him not to kill me. He then turned around and went back to where the children were being held at his friends parent’s house. I was exhausted and forced to go back to Washington with him in order to be with my children. He assaulted me a great deal in Washington. I have the police report here from the last assault that I was able to run to the police station and report. I was able to escape and get the children and myself back to North Carolina. I was pregnant during this last assault with my 3 year old daughter. We left Washington in February and he found us in May.
When he found us he immediately kidnapped the children and took them back to Washington. He was there for a couple of weeks and I told him that I would be with him and he brought them back and he moved in around June. He was there for the birth of the baby.
His probation officer knew where he was at this time so things felt a little safer considering I could always call her.
I want the court to understand not to take any level of aggressiveness that I might seem to put forth toward the respondent as confrontational. I, because of my strength in God, have been able to do what my domestically abused peers cannot do, and that is to stand up to him. I’m the rare one who blooms through adversity. I was intent that he would not bring me down and he did try. I am a survivor, one of the few who makes it through domestic violence. I am celebrated for getting out. Through domestic violence I threw a music festival. Of course it was affected by what I was going through, but I believed the great motivational speakers when they told me to fail and the lessons I would learn would add tremendous value to my life. Through that I am better, wiser, stronger and such with the domestic abuse.
I wanted to be with him. I wanted our family so much that I tried to work it out when he abused me. I was on a quest to fix him day and night. I am a scholar, a researcher, a problem solver and this difficult problem was one I couldn’t seem to solve. It was narcissism (so I found later and they say theres no cure.) I know he wants help, he’s just not in a place where he can say that. I am not lying when I say that if elijah got treatment, talk therapy for his childhood issues, he would take off in his life and career. He’s so talented, but his misunderstandings, anxiety and subsequent violence hinder him a great deal.
I first need to point out the injustice that my household has endured up until this point and then I’m expected to come in here and think that I will get a fair hearing. They notion feels nauseating, but I miss my babies so much and this is an opportunity for me to see them again.
SABOTAGE TO THEIR EDUCATION
I want to talk about the current situation and the focal point of sabotage to the children’s educations that has been occurring.
We have been under attack by dangerous people in collaboration with state agents all to sabotage the children’s educations.
It started with the respondent, elijah. He would not let us focus. He would not allow the children to focus on their homework or their studies. He was constantly talking and being rude and he did everything he could to be sure they did not know how to focus.
Then my estranged mother who did not raise me, never came to our home to visit and hang out to see how things were for us, ignorantly expressed her discontent with homeschooling in front of the children. She never participated or visited with us in support. I can surely say that since I have had children over the past 16 years, she has not ever gone with us simply to the grocery store. And when she took my 2 oldest children the last things she said to me, while I was simply reading a book to them that I had to take back to the library soon, “ain’t gone be no homeschooling in this house.” She refused to do anything for me. I asked her to simply drop my library books on her way to work where she has to drive right past the library, she said, “i’m not doing that.” No matter how great or talented a person is, if the people around them seek to bring them down, there is very little chance they can excel.
Then when I was staying with my grandparents with the children for a month in transition from one place to another, they refused to allow me to teach the children at their home. They gave us such a hard time. My grandfather proclaims that he doesn’t think I’m capable.
Then, when my mother took my children she was able to enroll them into school by simply saying that they were homeless, through McKinney Vento, and when I told them I am their mother, they are kidnapped not homeless, I went all the way up to the attorney for the school system who makes that decision, Eric Schneider and he refused to allow her to re-enroll them under the program if I unenrolled them.
From the time my mother took my boys, our lives that I sought so desperately to hold on to for the children and myself, went into collapse. From that time I was able to do nothing except work to get my boys from her. I hired attorneys in both states and both states denied jurisdiction.
Juanita taking my boys and trespassing me from her house made it nearly impossible to leave the Respondent.
*document from case against Juanita.
The children are on a course of study that they really enjoy, and dangerous people keep intimidating, bullying, harassing and when my mother called cps the same day that I finally got my kids back from her using the sheriff’s department, cps workers, along with the sheriff’s department in our town and the city police used M16 assault rifles to rip them away from their education. We had a field trip planned that day to go to the landfill to speak with Jeff about aluminum.
And when my children were ordered to be returned to me from the illegal cps kidnapping at my first hearing 7 days later, the saga continued, now with elijah ripping them away and hiding them from me. First he put them with his girlfriend, Jasmine Runnells, because he works all day everyday. I found her on FB and she let me talk to the children, but would not let me see them and the very day that I sent her the children’s curriculum, she kicked them out and he moved in with his sister Crystal.
*play audio of Crystal.
When the guardian ad litem was appointed, we talked and I told her about my curriculum and she and the rest of the workers had a 15 minute conversation about how my curriculum is way better than what is currently being taught in public school with their distance learning. I told her about how they had cut communication as soon as we started being able to delve in again and she left saying that she was going to do everything she could to get the children back to their studies. Over the 30 days I called her almost daily. She never returned my calls, I went to her office and left a note, I left voicemails and I did not hear from her for the entire 30 days. She came back to court and said she did not see the children.
DHS told me that the children not being educated is not something they deal with. *show text thread of the worker
The courts have refused to acknowledge this issue as a need warranting emergency custody and it has been since I filed this case on February 9th that we now have this hearing, which could have happened much sooner had it not been for attorney melissa delacerda saying on April 7th that she could not do the hearing until May 26th a direct violation of Rule 1 of the Federal Rules for Civil Procedure, Scope and Purpose which states:
These rules govern the procedure in all civil actions and proceedings in the United States district courts, except as stated in Rule 81. They should be construed, administered, and employed by the court and the parties to secure the just, speedy, and inexpensive determination of every action and proceeding.
And so from December 2nd, when the children were illegally taken by dhs until May 17, 2021 my daughter was not being educated. My daughter wants to be a judge she said about 2 years ago, although with all of the injustice that has occurred to our family at the hands of judges, I am not sure if that will push her into seeking to go in, to be able to balance the scales or if that would push her completely away. Either way, she is exceptionally intelligent and a 6 month break is not conducive to the path that she is on to become the adult that she is fully capable of becoming. This nonsense has also hindered the rest of the children.
My 8 year old is completely enthralled with trains and wants to be a conductor some day, my 6 year old wants to be a firefighter- we visited the fire station and when I described that my son wanted to be a firefighter on the phone, they gladly invited us to come by. When we arrived they were looking for a teenager and it was a 5 year old. We had a good time though. My 14 year old wants to be a heavy equipment operator, he wants to learn to operate everything from a forklift to a crane and all in between. My 16 year old wanted to be an astronaut and he probably still can, but the antics of the Respondent made that goal seem a lot more out of reach and so now he wants to be a professional boxer. All of the stupid breaks always put them behind. With elijahs constant antics, they can hardly ever complete a full season of rec, which I am the one who always puts them into the sport or activity, for elijah to selfishly sabotage it. My 16 year old, when I finally got him back, went straight into boxing everyday. Within a short time of him being back with me, we found a great boxing gym with a passionate coach/owner and he went to work preparing for his first match, which he was very much looking forward to. But through further sabotage, he had to abruptly stop going to his gym where he had just gotten props for being the hardest worker there, although he was one of the youngest. How long will elijah continue to ruin his life? How long will he have to wake up everyday without seeing the effects of elijah and his grandmother’s intentional hindrances to him and his siblings.
I would be willing to take a recess and the Respondent go to his house and prove that he has at least 10 books. I would extend that he surely does not. Of the 10years that he and I were together, I can count on 1 hand the amount of times he helped with bedtime and those time I had to force him to do it. I can also count on 1 hand the amount of times he has voluntarily read to the children.
*Here is our classroom that we had gotten set up having over 1000 children’s books along with everything else we could possibly need.
*And here is his girlfriend’s facebook post letting me know that, when we had to escape from him and leave everything behind, he gave all of our books and everything else to his girlfriend.
One of my most pervading concerns through all of this is, who is cuddling with my children? Who is reading to them? I read to my children every day. We are always in the middle of some novel and they look forward to bedtime every night to continue on whatever adventure we are on through whatever book we are reading at the time.
In speaking to the advocate. She see’s this every week. She says this does not seem fair. If
there was more support for the victim we would do a lot better. The judge wants to talk to an
attorney than to the victim. I can’t say I give up, its my kids. They need me and I have to fight
this in court Both parents have rights and the dad has rights and why he shouldn’t have rights. If
hes not treating the spouse right. You can see whose winning and the older attornies used to
win and the judges have been there forever and they tend to side with one attorney of others.
We are not fighting over something that can be replaced. Its people, families, children.
Narcissism is an ailment that plagues our society and everyone wants to walk around acting as if it doesn’t exist.
I have since learned the effects that trauma can have on a person. My new son having gone through trauma as a child, and depending on the severity, getting a person to talk about their trauma can be traumatizing in itself. Its more of the leading up to talking and during the talking that can be very intense. But you know afterward can be very liberating and the person can look forward to everything after that being better. Although I encouraged him, I was not able to get elijah to talk freely about how he really felt as a child. And now I know that the remergence of the trauma is what causes these extreme responses to seemingly mild stimuli.
And in our case, it plays out as a hatred for me. Even though he uses the phrase, “I love her” to everyone to divert from his obvious hatred of me, but as I say to him, love is an action word. The respondent is set against me in everything out of instinct. It really does not make sense. He is trying to force me into complete heart break trying to separate me from my babies. It is emotional abuse. If it were not the children that I was passionate about, he would not be doing
this. He would be attacking whatever it was that he knew he could use to try to control me. If I were one of those mothers who goes out all the time putting her children off on others this would not be happening. He has been using the children as pawns and it is a complete injustice.
1. FIRST PART
According to Oklahoma Statute any mediator or guardian ad litem appointed to a case involving domestic violence must be what is called “trauma informed.” They must have a certain amount of hours of training in understanding coercive control and the batterer victim relationship, which is a unique type of relationship, that any person who has been a part of this type of relationship can attest to not being anywhere close to what would be considered normal in regard to the behavior of the batterer. In speaking to the supervisor at Wings of Hope yesterday and us discussing what is really happening in family courts relating to domestic violence, she said every week she sees how unfair the family courts are to domestic violence victims. She said the judges have refused to get the same training that is required of mediators and GALs because they claim it would cause bias. Speaking from the perspective of a person who has been involved in one of these very unconventional relationships, the idea that a judge refusing to become educated on the traits of a mental health issue claiming that it would cause bias is outrageous to say the least. Narcissism is a mental health issue and 100% of abusers are narcissists. Myself being an activist, when my children were taken, I started a group on FB simply by asking in the DV groups: “Anyone who has had her children taken and separated from them by their abuser, please send me a message so you can get on our Zoom call tonight at 7:30pm CST with a news reporter to draw attention to this very serious issue.”
I have never had so many notifications as when I posted this in about 5 groups. Within 6 hours I had 35 women in a group who all were experiencing this and in most of the cases, the family courts were involved. Most cases involved a crooked judge who had either been bought or fooled by the abuser and in most cases the woman had not seen her children for an extended period of time even though there were orders for certain visitation. In all cases the children were the ones who were suffering, as you can imagine, a stranger ordered them to be away from their “safe parent” and to reside with a narcissist. They were separated from siblings, from love and from safety, and you better believe the narcissist would use any paperwork given to him ordering his victim away from her children as a means of continued emotional abuse. In most cases the abuser never expressed interest in custody until it became an understood means of continued emotional abuse. The women in the group are all friends now and we all support each other because in its textbook fashion, the narcissist has isolated his victim and cut her off from all friends and family over time. In one case the judge knows that my friend Kat’s 4 year old was sexually abused by her father and he awarded him sole custody because her ex has a sexual relationship with his lawyer and the lawyer does whatever he needs done for her. In another case my friend has spent 30,000 and has not seen her child for over a year, and in another case my friend Sheena had to leave her home because her younger brother was living with her and he got shot 7 times, so it was not safe for them. She followed the statute to a T and notified everyone who the statute advised in the correct amount of time, but because her abuser, who guaranteed to push the issue, did, she is now looking at 5-10 years in prison for kidnapping, she has not seen her 12 year old daughter in over a year who the court knows is living in a 1 bedroom
apartment with 5 people, the mom ordered all relating documentation about her case and knows that the child has expressed discomfort relating to sexual abuse and the judge refuses to extend any favor toward my friend. This is just 3 out of the 30 cases that all have very similar patterns of continued abuse onto the victim by the family courts.
We all have our theories as to why this injustice is occuring, some examples include: it being a male dominated society that is not in recognition of what would be considered women’s issues and women will have to push this past naysayers and into the light so it gets the proper attention, another idea is what is being coined “cas4kids.” Relating to human trafficking and the family courts desire to drain the family of all of their resources knowing that the mother will keep fighting for her children, another popular concept is unique statistical data found according to research done by Professor Joan Meier at George Washington Univerfsity, which studied 2000 custody cases nationwide. The study found that if a woman or child alleged abuse and the man alleged parental alienation, she was twice as likely to lose her child due to a psychologist, who has now passed away, and his study on what he coined “parental alienation syndrome in a child. Another reason that has been put forth about this phenomenon is the idea that it is easier for people to believe that a woman is crazy as the abuser asserts, than that a man would do such brutal things to his family. And the last significant idea that has been put forth about why family courts have been giving custody of children to abusers in record numbers is that it is being put forth that the woman has coached the child into lying about being abused. I personally would also like to add, from having these discussions with women who are experiencing this torture of losing their children to their abuser, the fact that the abuser has done financial abuse on the woman and in most cases is able to hire an expensive lawyer, they, together with the judge, dominate the woman and children. In one case with one of my new friends, she was ordered by the judge not to cry when they ripped her children away and gave them to the abuser. The disappointment with me is that for any person who cares to do the research, the attitude of an abuser is textbook. 15 minutes of reading gives great insight into this unique relationship between batterer and victim, but for a person who has not done the research, the batterer has a special way of transferring energy that creates a false image of the victim, which can be so intense that it pervades the life of the victim. Alongside this energy is the confusion that is created in the innocent bystander who finds themself randomly learning information about someone who they have likely never met before, but that energy of confusion comes about when the victim gets the chance to express their side of the story to that person, who really never cared to be inside of what appears from the outside to be, “someone’s drama.” They, at this point, choose to close themself off to the situation and those involved, expressing that they don’t want to be involved, take sides or be in the middle. They don’t want to choose who to believe. Research shows how the abuser standpoint is always purely emotional, lacking any form of rationality. It is always based on how the abuser “feels” in the situation and never relates to what is best. Issues come about when the victim is not fully educated on narcissistic and emotional abuse and falls into the traps that are set for her ultimate destruction.
Sadly, because of my conversation with my DV advocate and her expression of how the Payne County court judges refuse to become educated on the victim batterer relationship, I have to spend a portion of my time educating you on what that relationship entails.
I will do this through reading excerpts from 2 documents. 1 is the Oklahoma Child Welfare Worker Desk Reference Guide on Domestic Violence. This is the handbook that all OK child welfare workers must go by when Domestic Violence is alleged or present within a family that they are working with. The workers sadly do not follow this guide. This was taken from the OK department of Human Services website library.
The other document that I will be reading excerpts from is Lundy Bancroft’s popular article: Understanding the Batterer in Custody battles. Lundy Bancroft is a world renown psychiatrist who has spent a great deal of time counseling 1000s of abusers and so has great insight into the abuser mindset.
After this I will read the Oklahoma statutes relating to domestic Violence. Through all of this, it is nice to know that at least the OK legislator seems to understand this power control cycle and has made the laws to work in the favor of the abused victim and the children. Our issue has been the courts either being unaware of or refusing to follow these laws.
MY STORY
I am going to start with telling my back story, but I am doing it from a 3rd person perspective as if I was my mother.
Take someone like my daughter. She’s 10 years old and wants to be a judge one day. Now imagine I was 15 when I conceived her, so my mother and father raised her. She’s very intelligent, always honors classes, student government, and sports. She attended Girl State and was being groomed into leadership since she was 12. She runs track and plays basketball. In high school she was on the prom court both years and the homecoming court for 3. She was in charge of the school flag and graduated with honors receiving a scholarship. With her grandparents she went camping, took summer trips to Disneyland and was generally loved. Then I, her mother, who was pregnant in high school by a man who was almost twice my age. He went to prison when I was pregnant and was there for 5 years, but before he left he denied that my baby was his even though I knew he took my virginity. Now he’s gone, his entire family believes him in this small community 1⁄2 square mile and that is where both of us grew up alongside his 8 brothers and sisters and my 3 along with all of our aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides. The family is even more extended because my mother and her sister married my father and his brother and they all live in this small community along with my baby’s father’s entire family. No one believes me. I told my parents it was a boy whose my age’s baby. They told me to invite him over for dinner, but I never did. They told me I had to get an abortion even
though I wanted to keep my baby. We went there and my parents paid. Although the doctor ended up saying I was too far along. They said I was way farther than I knew I was, but either way I was keeping the baby. My delivery was a nightmare. I was only a child and I was so scared. And on top of that the baby was coming out face first and they had to push her back in and perform an emergency c-section. I have never felt so much pain in my entire life. My mom was there, but she hadn’t wanted me to have the baby. Although she is very sweet, so as soon as the baby was born she went to work in helping to care for her, although she surely told me it was my baby so I would be taking care of her. We got home and the baby slept in my room with me. When she was old enough I would walk the mile to take her to daycare everyday and I would go to school. I graduated and when I was 18 I moved out. When I moved out my mother asked me if my daughter could stay with her and also because I had a 6 year old little sister and she and my daughter were close. I agreed and although I visited often, my parents raised my daughter. They were good people, pillars o the community who owned their 2 acres of land. My father had cows and was excellent at building machines, he was self taught and did a lot of making things that the children could ride. My daughter had a great childhood growing up around all of her cousins and family, although she did not have a relationship with her father’s side of the family. He got out of prison when she was 5 and she spent the night with he and his wife on occasion, having a sister whose 4 years older than her and them being very close.
When my daughter was 9 I stopped visiting. I would eat dinner at my aunt’s house every day and I could see my parent’s house from her porch, but I couldn’t go there for 2 years. I would look back and say my aunt had a curse on me. My daughter was excelling in academics, but I didn’t make a big deal about it. When my daughter was 12 I had a son with my new husband and my daughter moved back in with me to be around her new brother. We got into the church at this time. I loved her, but maybe our bond had been broken. When she turned 15, we had it rough. I didn’t understand her. She left at 17 and moved back in with her grandparent but the damage was done. My daughter didn’t take the scholarship and she got pregnant at 19 to a 24 year old man. But at 8 months she lost the baby, it seemed there was a slow leak of fluid. We had a funeral for the baby and tis was a sad time. What I didn’t know was that this experience gave my daughter a new outlook on children. At the same time the next year she was giving birth to a son and almost every other year since then she has had a baby. Shes been mostly self sufficient and around the age of 25 she seemed to bloom. About 6 months into the blooming she met elijah.
ELIJAHS STORY
He told me that when he was a teenager his mother would call his girlfriends and curse them out. He says that when he was 4 his mother broke her leg at her job at Hardees and he had to start taking care of her. He talked about having to wipe her feeces after he helped her to the bathroom to do a bm. She never recovered from the leg injury and became very very very overweight. Even though he and his sisters had to care for her she was still very mean to them
and he says he was being hit with brooms and she’d even thrown a mug at him on at least one occasion. She then up and moved to North Carolina away from his father and the rest of his family when he was 12. They were supposed to be moving in to his uncle’s house who was in Africa at the time, but when they arrived and elijah was sent to check out the place, there was a house full of people and they were having an orgy. The people scattered at the sight of him and he and his sisters had to clean up the party. When his uncle came back from Africa he kicked them out and they were homeless. They stayed in their car and at churches. He says the most embarrassing moment is when he had to stand up in front of the church so everyone could see their sizes to buy things for he and his sisters. He found support in the Durham community which has a deep history for black people. He got really good at skateboarding from going to the grocery store for his family. He learned how to be a music producer from one of the top 5 best hiphop producers on the planet whose residence was at Duke university in Durham. He got really good at music production and audio and was studying Theatre in college, being seemingly fearless, he went to the top. His favorite cousin from Oklahoma who is his same age came to visit him in Durham, they decided to go to a rally that Elijah was invited to and that’s where he met Alicia.
**If objections are made(this shows relevance to where we are currently and the dynamic of he and I’s relationship)
Abuse:
Financial Abuse Litigation Abuse Emotional Abuse Physical Abuse
The Respondent tries to say that I am unstable, but he did not try to support us nor did he have the desire to. On September 22 the Respondent sent $50 on Cashapp once to see how I would respond. I responded with an emoji with no mouth signifying that I was “no contact” so I was not talking to the Respondent. Then 3 hours later he sent another $50. I knew that I had to be strategic about how I replied. Narcissistic abuse is a very dangerous situation relating to how someone with this disorder uses whatever information they have about the person who is the target of their abuse by asking strategic questions. After much deliberation, I chose to send a thumbs up because I figured that would be safe...and it seems that it was because the Respondent did not send any more money. This was 3 months after I left everything behind due to the dangerousness of the Respondent’s behavior. And from that time until December when he kidnapped the children, I did not hear from him. Although not hearing from him was fine with me because Ie just wanted to feel safe.
I did not really start to feel a level of safety until after I got the protective order on February 19th, 2021, but before that I was always looking over my shoulder. I recall not too long ago, being in the woods in our cabin, just looking up at the entrance to the property at our NO TRESPASSING
sign- waiting for him to appear out of nowhere and not knowing what I would do if or when he did. I felt this almost every second.
And when my children were maliciously kidnapped by dhs and the Respondent showed up at court I was terrified. I am blessed because of the favor of the Most High God to know that fear is not rational and that I don’t always have to equate death to something bad. This faith gave me more push to put forth that I was not scared of him even though that was the point of the entire situation. I knew that if he thought I was the least bit scared, he would use it to control me. I know God and I did everything I could to dispel the evil which I knew came from his childhood and some of the stories he told me about his growing up.
All of this nonsense was extremely taxing on me financially. As a human who, like most other humans, wants to get something out of life, this was a direct attack on my progress. I am a fully capable and brilliant person who unfortunately, along with the children, had to experience being trapped under the coercive control of a very dangerous man.
The drama from the Respondent has been a hindrance since it began in around 2011, but 2 years ago I was in an excellent place to create what would be fulfilling in my life in organizing a music festival. But my life has been thrown completely off since 2 years ago and I just want to be able to fulfill my dreams. Life is short and all of this has been a disrespectful and intentional throwing off of my fulfillment.
I am sure he has no problem putting down my endeavors, but I have had no desire to put down the things that he is doing.
I have expressed for years how his negative behavior would affect our future & not only did he refuse to believe me, he was also very mean and nasty to me in the process.
*Play recordings - 5 minute convo - Calling me a cunt
(To prove that he is capable of saying these things & that I wanted my family. I wanted to be with him so badly and he made it impossible. And now the children and I have had to suffer:
We suffered long-term repercussions to all of his constant abrupt reactions. With him there was always an immediate flip like the 20-30 times he punched holes in the walls of our home, and when he punched my computer screen breaking it while I was using it. His choke slamming me and the many other instancances of his short tempered violence.
*Play recording of him admitting to the abuse.
I am not the only one who misses the two babies to the point of physical pain. I know the emotional abuse of the respondent forcefully separating my babies from me too well. I would request that the court issues an order to prevent him from consistently doing that.
I am sure that “superlawyer” Melissa DeLacerda has a wonderful argument prepared as to why she thinks it would be okay for this clearly abusive man to be able to further disrupt and interfere with the beautiful children of this family’s lives. And no, I am not a “superlawyer,” I am just a mom who will do anything to protect the children from any form of abuse, corruption or degradation. I do not have an attorney because that is what God intended. Had it been meant for me to have one, I would have one. This because I know that court is intent on all litigants being represented by an attorney. I would simply ask that the court have respect for me as a pro se litigant, being threatened to file this case in exchange for me to see my children again and not being able to find an attorney who would take the case.
I have no desire or intention to sway my children’s mindsets about the respondent. In fact, I am now paying the price for seeking to take on the responsibility of making sure they have 2 parents so they would not have to grow up the way he and I did, but elijah made it impossible to just live everyday happy and enjoying our blessings. He was consistently being dangerous to our family and our livelihood for no particular reason. I desire very much for him to get evaluated by an experienced professional. After 8 years of not really understanding what was goin on or why he was carrying himself in this way, I came to the conclusion that, and all signs point to narcissistic personality disorder, but I have not been able to get him to attend the correct appointments. I had set up having him evaluated at the Dept of Health and we were able to get his initial intake done. At this intake he revealed that his mother had committed him to a mental health institution when he was a child. He said he felt this was not important info because he did not stay for long and according to him, her reasoning was unjustified. But the evaluator asserted to him that this is important information to share. I was learning this information after 9 years of marriage. I was not able to get him to begin the actual therapy.
We did a few sessions of marriage counseling that I set up, but, even though most of the time was spent with the therapist correcting elijah’s thought patterns about specific situations, the counseling was not specific to either of us individually.
I stayed with elijah and in the relationship for as long as humanly possible to keep our family together and only was able to get out when I could 100% say that I did everything that I possibly could to work it out and could say that I tried everything and it would never get better. After all of the years that we worked to improve our relations, the day I left he blew up at me again with no remorse just like always. He had no reservations, no recollection of our progress and the work we did. None of that meant anything to him. He never apologized, he could not see his behavior. He only blamed how he reacted on me, never taking any responsibility or accountability for his actions. Even now he still chooses to bash and blame me as opposed to honestly taking account for his part in the breakdown of our family. I saw a long time ago the simple need for him to rectify his childhood. He told me the stories, but because his mother passed away he feels he can only say good things that she did. I try to get him to understand that pain he felt at her hand is important too, and that he is important, but he chooses not to accept or acknowledge his own pain relating to his childhood and so he lives a lie. At this point I recognize that it can be damaging to talk about trauma, but when a person has children, there has to be a point where they address themself in order to be better for their children. We have not been able to get elijah to that point.
He now has a warrant for his arrest out of NC and could be arrested at any time.
-When he does get arrested, if he doesn’t have to do the remaining 2 months of his sentence, his probation may be reinstated, which includes his completing DOSE clases that he did not complete (DOse is an acronym for Developing Opportunities for a Safe Environment.)
*show warrant
*show paper from the DOSe woman saying he did not complete it.
According to statute, the court was to delve into the domestic abuse charges against the respondent, but instead the prior judge who admitted bias believed strongly that dhs workers would get to the bottom of everything. According to their policy, there is an entire procedure they must follow for DV. They did not follow it at all. They are also required to make the judge aware of the DV. They did not. The GAL took 30 days of our children’s safety where time is of the essence and due process & speedy remedy is our right. When I told her that my daughter was being intimidated and bullied out of her education and when I shared our curriculum with her, she was set on being sure communication was reestablished. But after she left the courthouse that day, she did not visit the children or connect with them at all in the 30 days that she was given.
My point is that sometimes judges are biased, sometimes workers do the wrong thing, sometimes officers of the court don’t do their jobs, sometimes judges make the wrong decision, and sometimes a mother who only seeks to protect her children’s futures is actually doing just that and doesn’t have ulterior motives.
Every case is unique and all I ask is that the best interest of the children be held at the forefront of everything.
When I left I asked his uncle who I could always call about our relationship if he felt it was safe to reach out to the respondent after being forced to go no contact for our own safety. He told me that he did not think it was safe for me to reach out to the respondent, so I did not.
There is a massive amount of info that advises victims of narcissistic abuse that going no contact is the only way to find safety. The judges involved have not understood the dynamics of narcissistic abuse and the danger to persons that occurs. I want the courts to understand that the respondent punched me in my mouth, knocking me unconscious and fracturing my 4 bottom teeth from the bone and knocking one out. I was unconscious lying on my back with blood draining down my throat. I could easily have died. I woke up on my own to go out into the hallway to see all of my children seeing me with my mouth busted open and blood running down my chin and drenching my shirt and him running out the door. My son called the police. This day I had friends over to feel more safe because he was in jail for a prior assault on me and for communicating threats where he said he would kill me. I knew he could bond out at any time. The jail promised they would call me before they let him out, but they did not call me. He came
straight out of jail and did this assault on me and since this time I have been frozen in fear of him. Only when I got the protective order did I feel any more safe because he is the type who hurts women and children behind closed doors, but he has respect for the police.
After this assault I was in the hospital for 4 days where I had to go under a different name for my safety. I was appreciative of the hospital and its ability to be a safe place for me.
I then went straight to a domestic violence shelter and he was able to take the children from my grandmother and he took them to the state of Washington.
After this it was clear that to see my children, I had to be back in a relationship with him. He actually kidnapped me at this time and drove me far out in the country in Hillsboro. I begged him not to kill me. He then turned around and went back to where the children were being held at his friends parent’s house. I was exhausted and forced to go back to Washington with him in order to be with my children. He assaulted me a great deal in Washington. I have the police report here from the last assault that I was able to run to the police station and report. I was able to escape and get the children and myself back to North Carolina. I was pregnant during this last assault with my 3 year old daughter. We left Washington in February and he found us in May.
When he found us he immediately kidnapped the children and took them back to Washington. He was there for a couple of weeks and I told him that I would be with him and he brought them back and he moved in around June. He was there for the birth of the baby.
His probation officer knew where he was at this time so things felt a little safer considering I could always call her.
I want the court to understand not to take any level of aggressiveness that I might seem to put forth toward the respondent as confrontational. I, because of my strength in God, have been able to do what my domestically abused peers cannot do, and that is to stand up to him. I’m the rare one who blooms through adversity. I was intent that he would not bring me down and he did try. I am a survivor, one of the few who makes it through domestic violence. I am celebrated for getting out. Through domestic violence I threw a music festival. Of course it was affected by what I was going through, but I believed the great motivational speakers when they told me to fail and the lessons I would learn would add tremendous value to my life. Through that I am better, wiser, stronger and such with the domestic abuse.
I wanted to be with him. I wanted our family so much that I tried to work it out when he abused me. I was on a quest to fix him day and night. I am a scholar, a researcher, a problem solver and this difficult problem was one I couldn’t seem to solve. It was narcissism (so I found later and they say theres no cure.) I know he wants help, he’s just not in a place where he can say that. I am not lying when I say that if elijah got treatment, talk therapy for his childhood issues, he would take off in his life and career. He’s so talented, but his misunderstandings, anxiety and subsequent violence hinder him a great deal.
I first need to point out the injustice that my household has endured up until this point and then I’m expected to come in here and think that I will get a fair hearing. They notion feels nauseating, but I miss my babies so much and this is an opportunity for me to see them again.
SABOTAGE TO THEIR EDUCATION
I want to talk about the current situation and the focal point of sabotage to the children’s educations that has been occurring.
We have been under attack by dangerous people in collaboration with state agents all to sabotage the children’s educations.
It started with the respondent, elijah. He would not let us focus. He would not allow the children to focus on their homework or their studies. He was constantly talking and being rude and he did everything he could to be sure they did not know how to focus.
Then my estranged mother who did not raise me, never came to our home to visit and hang out to see how things were for us, ignorantly expressed her discontent with homeschooling in front of the children. She never participated or visited with us in support. I can surely say that since I have had children over the past 16 years, she has not ever gone with us simply to the grocery store. And when she took my 2 oldest children the last things she said to me, while I was simply reading a book to them that I had to take back to the library soon, “ain’t gone be no homeschooling in this house.” She refused to do anything for me. I asked her to simply drop my library books on her way to work where she has to drive right past the library, she said, “i’m not doing that.” No matter how great or talented a person is, if the people around them seek to bring them down, there is very little chance they can excel.
Then when I was staying with my grandparents with the children for a month in transition from one place to another, they refused to allow me to teach the children at their home. They gave us such a hard time. My grandfather proclaims that he doesn’t think I’m capable.
Then, when my mother took my children she was able to enroll them into school by simply saying that they were homeless, through McKinney Vento, and when I told them I am their mother, they are kidnapped not homeless, I went all the way up to the attorney for the school system who makes that decision, Eric Schneider and he refused to allow her to re-enroll them under the program if I unenrolled them.
From the time my mother took my boys, our lives that I sought so desperately to hold on to for the children and myself, went into collapse. From that time I was able to do nothing except work to get my boys from her. I hired attorneys in both states and both states denied jurisdiction.
Juanita taking my boys and trespassing me from her house made it nearly impossible to leave the Respondent.
*document from case against Juanita.
The children are on a course of study that they really enjoy, and dangerous people keep intimidating, bullying, harassing and when my mother called cps the same day that I finally got my kids back from her using the sheriff’s department, cps workers, along with the sheriff’s department in our town and the city police used M16 assault rifles to rip them away from their education. We had a field trip planned that day to go to the landfill to speak with Jeff about aluminum.
And when my children were ordered to be returned to me from the illegal cps kidnapping at my first hearing 7 days later, the saga continued, now with elijah ripping them away and hiding them from me. First he put them with his girlfriend, Jasmine Runnells, because he works all day everyday. I found her on FB and she let me talk to the children, but would not let me see them and the very day that I sent her the children’s curriculum, she kicked them out and he moved in with his sister Crystal.
*play audio of Crystal.
- Hand out papers with Crystal’s conviction, news story and commitment.
- Trying to extort their social security cards
- Threatening me.
When the guardian ad litem was appointed, we talked and I told her about my curriculum and she and the rest of the workers had a 15 minute conversation about how my curriculum is way better than what is currently being taught in public school with their distance learning. I told her about how they had cut communication as soon as we started being able to delve in again and she left saying that she was going to do everything she could to get the children back to their studies. Over the 30 days I called her almost daily. She never returned my calls, I went to her office and left a note, I left voicemails and I did not hear from her for the entire 30 days. She came back to court and said she did not see the children.
DHS told me that the children not being educated is not something they deal with. *show text thread of the worker
The courts have refused to acknowledge this issue as a need warranting emergency custody and it has been since I filed this case on February 9th that we now have this hearing, which could have happened much sooner had it not been for attorney melissa delacerda saying on April 7th that she could not do the hearing until May 26th a direct violation of Rule 1 of the Federal Rules for Civil Procedure, Scope and Purpose which states:
These rules govern the procedure in all civil actions and proceedings in the United States district courts, except as stated in Rule 81. They should be construed, administered, and employed by the court and the parties to secure the just, speedy, and inexpensive determination of every action and proceeding.
And so from December 2nd, when the children were illegally taken by dhs until May 17, 2021 my daughter was not being educated. My daughter wants to be a judge she said about 2 years ago, although with all of the injustice that has occurred to our family at the hands of judges, I am not sure if that will push her into seeking to go in, to be able to balance the scales or if that would push her completely away. Either way, she is exceptionally intelligent and a 6 month break is not conducive to the path that she is on to become the adult that she is fully capable of becoming. This nonsense has also hindered the rest of the children.
My 8 year old is completely enthralled with trains and wants to be a conductor some day, my 6 year old wants to be a firefighter- we visited the fire station and when I described that my son wanted to be a firefighter on the phone, they gladly invited us to come by. When we arrived they were looking for a teenager and it was a 5 year old. We had a good time though. My 14 year old wants to be a heavy equipment operator, he wants to learn to operate everything from a forklift to a crane and all in between. My 16 year old wanted to be an astronaut and he probably still can, but the antics of the Respondent made that goal seem a lot more out of reach and so now he wants to be a professional boxer. All of the stupid breaks always put them behind. With elijahs constant antics, they can hardly ever complete a full season of rec, which I am the one who always puts them into the sport or activity, for elijah to selfishly sabotage it. My 16 year old, when I finally got him back, went straight into boxing everyday. Within a short time of him being back with me, we found a great boxing gym with a passionate coach/owner and he went to work preparing for his first match, which he was very much looking forward to. But through further sabotage, he had to abruptly stop going to his gym where he had just gotten props for being the hardest worker there, although he was one of the youngest. How long will elijah continue to ruin his life? How long will he have to wake up everyday without seeing the effects of elijah and his grandmother’s intentional hindrances to him and his siblings.
I would be willing to take a recess and the Respondent go to his house and prove that he has at least 10 books. I would extend that he surely does not. Of the 10years that he and I were together, I can count on 1 hand the amount of times he helped with bedtime and those time I had to force him to do it. I can also count on 1 hand the amount of times he has voluntarily read to the children.
*Here is our classroom that we had gotten set up having over 1000 children’s books along with everything else we could possibly need.
*And here is his girlfriend’s facebook post letting me know that, when we had to escape from him and leave everything behind, he gave all of our books and everything else to his girlfriend.
One of my most pervading concerns through all of this is, who is cuddling with my children? Who is reading to them? I read to my children every day. We are always in the middle of some novel and they look forward to bedtime every night to continue on whatever adventure we are on through whatever book we are reading at the time.
In speaking to the advocate. She see’s this every week. She says this does not seem fair. If
there was more support for the victim we would do a lot better. The judge wants to talk to an
attorney than to the victim. I can’t say I give up, its my kids. They need me and I have to fight
this in court Both parents have rights and the dad has rights and why he shouldn’t have rights. If
hes not treating the spouse right. You can see whose winning and the older attornies used to
win and the judges have been there forever and they tend to side with one attorney of others.
We are not fighting over something that can be replaced. Its people, families, children.
Narcissism is an ailment that plagues our society and everyone wants to walk around acting as if it doesn’t exist.
I have since learned the effects that trauma can have on a person. My new son having gone through trauma as a child, and depending on the severity, getting a person to talk about their trauma can be traumatizing in itself. Its more of the leading up to talking and during the talking that can be very intense. But you know afterward can be very liberating and the person can look forward to everything after that being better. Although I encouraged him, I was not able to get elijah to talk freely about how he really felt as a child. And now I know that the remergence of the trauma is what causes these extreme responses to seemingly mild stimuli.
And in our case, it plays out as a hatred for me. Even though he uses the phrase, “I love her” to everyone to divert from his obvious hatred of me, but as I say to him, love is an action word. The respondent is set against me in everything out of instinct. It really does not make sense. He is trying to force me into complete heart break trying to separate me from my babies. It is emotional abuse. If it were not the children that I was passionate about, he would not be doing
this. He would be attacking whatever it was that he knew he could use to try to control me. If I were one of those mothers who goes out all the time putting her children off on others this would not be happening. He has been using the children as pawns and it is a complete injustice.
June 2, 2021
This whack judge after cutting off all of my testimony and all of my evidence, issues this illegal, unlawful, unstatitorial, injurious, fake, biased order.
